Goooodmorning blog :) The past few days have been raining nonstop but today the sun is out! I don't know why, but I am in a really good mood today; probably because i lost some weight. I've been depressed everyday last week, didn't talk much to anyone, bitched at my boyfriend, avoided my parents. But I feel like today will go great. Something's wrong with me, honestly. My mood changes like every fckin minute. Ehh,, whatever.
Yesterday was a good day. I woke up feeling super sick. Mad headache, sore throat, body aches but for some reason all that pain felt good to me cause I knew I would have no appetite then. I go downstairs to make myself some coffee but my mom comes in with fried rice, dumplings, and other chinese food. Oh great.. the smell makes me feel nauseous so I walk upstairs but my mom stops me and demands that I eat with her. Who the hell is she to force me to eat something that smells absolutely DISGUSTING. Had an intense fight with her but ended up losing so i had two dumpling and a couple spoonfuls of fried rice. Ate 1 tangerine to wash the disgusting taste out of my mouth. I couldn't handle being home so I went out to meet a couple of my friends for the first time in a long time. My friend offered me some pastry with chocolate souffle topping and another one cream cheese souffle topping. I just had half of the chocolate one. I felt like puking after but I couldn't because we were at her house. But, the good news is: I didn't eat anything after 4:30 PM. Just water. Insomnia attack last night. Forced myself to sleep with some trance music playing.
Well, it's almost 9 AM right now and not feeling hungry. Just had a cup of water. I have to go out in an hour or two to see my boyfriend but not so excited about it. I hope he doesn't force me to eat. He's been noticing some weight changes lately. He thinks i don't eat at all. He's CRAZY, i can honestly eat more than him anyday... I just choose not to. Anyways, I will update later tonight! I hope today goes swell!
*update*
today = epic failure
parents made me go out and eat with them. gorged on 6 slices of french bread with butter, a slice of pizza, 1 southwestern egg roll, a cup of tortilla soup, some spaghetti with chicken. fuck my life. don't feel like writing. well, before i turned into a fat balloon, my dad bought me a black coat so i was pretty happy. but that happiness is gone ... i think i'm gonna eat under 420 calories tomorrow. Hope i can do this. THINK THIN ! Oh! almost forgot.. seeing that i now have 3 followers was a great encouragement. It may not seem much but to me it means a whole lot. I won't let Ana or any of you down, i promise. I'll have more successes than failures
Love,Ana
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when the worst has happened and you end up eating that much why dont you just throw it up? its better than obsessing over everything in your stomach
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