No wonder I've been losing control with my eating habits lately.. i started my period today and it sucks. It's been two months or longer since my last time so I'm not used to cramps. I woke up bloated as fuck. YUCK. so i planned on having a cup of hot chocolate for breakfast instead of the usual big meal, but my mom wouldn't let me leave the house until i ate two toaster strudels (380 cal) I had to just sit in my car for awhile cause i felt too nauseous. Thanks mom... seriously. Anyways, for lunch I had 15-20 pieces of french fries to make it look like I was eating. My boyfriend's been giving me a lot of shit for not eating with him so whenever he wants food... I'm his eating partner. Oh wonderful... Dropped by home before going to the hospital and ate a shitload of dried fruits and nuts. I honestly don't know why I just sat down and munched away watching tv. I don't even know how much of it i ate cause i ate out of the big bag. I was late to my appointment cause of my fatass. I'm sorry I'm so bitter these days but I really can't help it. I'm depressed 90% of the time and 110% of the time, I'm agonizing about my weight. It's also even harder cause I don't get much support from anyone around me... this blog is all i have. The only place where everything inside me is written down for someone to read and know about. Oh, and I even felt shittier when I was buying a pack of cigarettes, I saw this girl who had bones sticking out everywhere. Okay maybe I'm exaggerating just a little but she was super super thin. The world isn't fair. Well, for dinner I had two chicken wings (barf) with a diet soda. Cramps + food = bad bad night. I'm trying to stay away from laxatives so I'm suffering right now. haha, i just can't wait for today to be over. Tomorrow is supposed to rain and I'm kinda excited. Only hot coffee, tea, cocoa, soup, whatever that's low-cal and liquidy all day tomorrow. I'll be posting up measures and weights soon. This is considered a punishment for me.
Love, Ana
P.S. Totally not looking forward to the holidays. This just means more food and more fat.
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