Hello to Kids & Food

Fuck. That's one good word to describe how today went. Last night, my dad brought me sushi rolls and he didn't leave until I finished every bit of it. Felt like shit the whole night and resisted purging. Surprisingly, I weighed myself in the morning and I was the same weight as yesterday. I thought I was going to have a successful day, but NO. Boyfriend kept forcing me to share his burger with him. I got away with three bites. But that's still gross. I've been craving sweets lately, maybe my time of the month is about to hit. I munched on candy all day with a diet soda. That didn't do my tummy any good, but I wasn't feeling too guilty. BUT, this is where it all falls apart. I volunteered to help out at a program where they babysit little kids. (I know, I'm very kind-hearted. HAHA, just kidding.) Anyways, they kept offering me dinner but I told them I already ate. They wouldn't listen and heaped up a whole plateful of alfredo pasta with bacon bits for me. It smelled disgusting. It looked disgusting. It is disgusting. But I ate it. And I ate it all. Why? I wish I knew. That's not all, they also offered me popcorn, chocolate, chips, blah blah. Yes, I ate all that too. I'm feeling super shitty and I've been chain smoking for quite awhile now. I'm a bit stressed and me losing control isn't helping at all. I need to get back up and start again tomorrow. I must admit that I'm excited for a new beginning after tonight, but I can't get over how fat I look right now. I'm bloated all over. I hate binging but why do i do it? Damn, I've been ranting this whole time. I'm sorry to burden you with all this, but my blog is the only place I can let it all out. I promise I'll have more positive posts, but for now, this is how I feel.

Love, Ana