Hello to MooOoOooOod Swings

The weekend was again a blur. I went to the beach with my boyfriend and dropped there, so it was veryyyyyy relaxing. Very nice to get away for once, and just stare at the water while rolling harrrd. It was honestly a perfect day. But the day after was hell. I was obviously cracked out, and my boyfriend was PMSing. I refused to eat cause i had no appetite and I ended up just leaving his house. After 34 missed calls, I finally picked up and he apologized so things are (supposed to be) good.

This morning I weighed myself and the scale read 98 lbs! BUT, I'm a fucking dumbass. Everytime I reach the 90's.. I get too confident and reward myself with a binge. So... yes, the first thing i did this morning was eat. I ate enough to last me for the whole day, but I kept eating. I had a really bad stomachache before meeting my parents for dinner, but I still ate. I kept telling myself that I had an excuse to eat because I haven't been with my parents for too long, but I'm just being weak and pathetic... I'm too scared to go on the scale right now. I'll save that for tomorrow morning. I got tempted to purge. I even locked myself in the bathroom for about half an hour debating.. crying.. but calmed myself down with a cigarette. Cigarette after cigarette... after cigarette..

I've been having crazy mood swings. I'm probably feeling depressed 80% of the time. The rest, I'm happy only when I'm not sober. On the brighter note, I was sitting on my boyfriend's lap today and he told me to get off so I asked him why, getting ready to punch him for indirectly calling me fat, and he said my butt bone was hurting him. Does that mean I don't have a fat ass? hahaha, no my butt's a bit too big. Gotta start exercising to lose this junk!


Stay strong, ana lovers!
Love,Ana