Hello to The Worst Nightmare

Have you ever been so full to the point where you can't stop hiccuping? Yeah, that's me right now. Why did i do this to myself? CAUSE I HAVE A FUCKING PSYCHOPATH BOYFRIEND WHO WON'T FUCKING LET ME LIVE MY LIFE. mmhmm, I'm not even exaggerating right now. He always looks through my phone and I've known that, but yesterday he found my blog and e-mails on my phone (I have a blackberry so I sometimes post or email on it). He knew about my eating habits, and he thought I was done with it, but now he knows everything... PERFECT, just what I needed, right? ...

So basically, he's been threatening to tell my parents about it since my parents and he both are aware of how far I've gone with my eating problems in the past. I don't really see my parents as much so they don't know what's going on. If he does happen to tell my parents then I'm fucked. They're going to do anything to try and send me to some crazy rehab shit and I'm not fucking down for that. He told me that he wouldn't say a word if I agreed to eat whenever he does. That doesn't sound too bad, right? NO, WRONG. cause he eats like a fucking hippo. Yesterday, I had four meals with him. I came home last night and cried. Today I had four meals with him again. I had to finish my plate. I came home just now and am crying. I'm surprised I didn't purge. I'm trying really hard not to and doing pretty well. No matter how much I hate this food inside of me, I'm NOT going to purge. I'm not even going to use laxatives cause that shit doesn't work. I'm just going to have to keep all this crap inside. FUCK.

I feel fat. I feel like shit. I have so much fucking work to do. I'm probably going to be up all night. I'm going to be fucking bloated tomorrow. AND I'm fucking pissed off at the world. I'm just not a happy camper right now. The only thing I'm looking forward to is dropping tomorrow. I'm tempted to just pop a pill right now, but I can't... I have to finish my work... I've had 8 months to complete it and I'm doing it all tonight. I fucking fail, man. Whatever, at least I'm gonna be rolling tomorrow. FINALLY.

Anyways, since I promised you guys a nicole richie thinspo, here it is! It's not a good one cause I have to rush, but it's better than nothing , right ? :)

Stay strong, loves<3
Love,Ana