I'm officially broke. No money to spend on ANYTHING. This is horrible. I'm going to die. How am I going to buy my cigarettes?! I need my cigarettes. They're like my BABIES, if I don't get them then I go insane and I'll probably end up killing my boyfriend or something. Speaking of boyfriend... I need to seriously stop having him dominate my life. Being around him all day everyday makes me FAT. He will seriously eat non-stop and that only causes me to eat. And no, I don't eat voluntarily... He force feeds me cause he knows I've had eating problems in the past (he thinks I've recovered). It's hard to avoid him though. He knows my schedule more than anyone. It's almost like we're fucking married. No, even worse... like he's my guardian angel.
I haven't been exercising for MONTHS. Yes yes, I know.. I'm very fucking lazy and gross, but I've been feeling so tired lately. Anyone like that too? Maybe I'm getting too old.. maybe I just need to quit smoking so much. Fuck that, it's too hard and it'll only make me gain weight. The last time I tried to quit, I gained 8 fucking pounds. Hell no, I'm not going to set myself up to become fatter than I am right now. I'm sorry for my language, but I'm just feeling a bit bitter right now. Don't ask me why cause I don't know. I'm just frustrated with myself. I'm so damn pathetic. I know what I need to do to be beautiful and thin, but I can't get my ass working to accomplish it. It's stupid. I feel sorry for myself. I think I'm going to start stretching and exercising little by little. I miss feeling energetic and alive. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I stop eating like a fatass, I stop allowing my boyfriend to control what I eat, and I start getting my lazyass up to exercise. I can do it... I hope.
Don't forget..
Love,Ana
I adore smoking. I know it's bad, and we should all quit, but I genuinely like it. Do you think you could get enough to buy baccy and papers? Lasts a lot longer, and is so much cheaper.
ReplyDeleteGood call on deciding not to let your boyfriend control your eating, I've come to the decision that I'm starting again from today, too. We can do it together!
Maybe just try a little light exercise? The gradual stretching is a good idea. :)
You can do it, I know you can!
Stay strong! x
Oh my god I know exactly how you feel! Seriously. I need to exercise too. I took a long walk on Tuesday but didn't do anything today. Blah. :/ I need to exercise!
ReplyDeleteAnd again, I LOVE YOU! To fuckin death! You're the greatest person of ever! <33333
Whats your email? We NEED to talk!
Thanks for loving me. And telling me I can do it. I feel like I can't ever reach my goal weight, yes! Its just so maddening and disappointing. I want to be able to get to 89 before next march! Lemme know what your email is and i will email you ASAP! (: love you!! <3333