Sorry everyone for abandoning my blog for so long! This weeks been the darkest, scariest, and looooooongest. Do not continue reading this if you're not down to listen to me rant/vent. I've seriously been having suicidal thoughts lately. I'm always depressed, and I get lonely even when I'm not alone. This isn't normal, right? I've officially gone insane. I haven't laughed or smiled in too long. I feel as if I forgot how to.. I'm convinced that drug abuse caused all this mess, but I'm kinda in denial... hahaha I know, how stupid of me. I've been clean for the past week and I guess I'm proud of it, but why am I not happy? Addiction kills. I hate this feeling of being bounded and dependent on something.. which leads to one reason why I hate cigarettes! drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, depression, suicide, loneliness, loss of identity and purpose.. these are all demons that are running through my head constantly and I can't stop it. I know I sound pathetic and super emo, but my blog is the only outlet where I can relieve myself.
Since I've been sober this week, I gained a shit ton of weight. I don't really want to post what I've consumed, but I'll tell you this: I gained 5 lbs. I need to lose this, IMMEDIATELY. My jeans aren't fitting me as nicely as before! I'm about to lose it! If I don't go back to how I was, I'm just gonna jump off a cliff or something. haha, i'm just kidding. But really, I need to start controlling my eating habits. I'm thinking of giving the 2468 a try again. Maybe reverse it or something, but yeah. I'll just update on how I'm doing throughout this week.
Sorry for ranting on so much! I feel much better. And thank you to all my followers! It feels so good to see more and more people reading my blog :) I feel as if I'm boring though haha
Stay Strong<3
Love,Ana
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