Hello to -3 lbs & a Love Affair?!

I lost three pounds! Welcome back 98! Now, its time for me to make a confession..

My life doesn't stop getting more and more complicated! I don't know what's gotten into me. Lord, please help cause I've gone toally INSANE. Okay so, last night I went over to my guy friend's house. He's been going through some crazy drama with two other girls that he was seeing, so he asked me to come over for advice and stuff. To make the long story short, we slept together. Yeah, I know, I'm a fucking bitch. He has a girlfriend, and another girl he's seeing behind his girlfriends back. And I'm on a break with my boyfriend.. Weird thing is, when everything happened last night, it felt so right. Nothing was in my mind. Just the sound of heavy breathing filled my mind. We had a fling in the past for a short while but it didn't work cause his friend liked me so I jus left the picture. I didn't want to ruin their friendship or anything. But, here I am... Confused as to what I'm feeling, and what he wants. He says all these things but I can't completely believe him. (I don't want to write here all the stuff he said cause it'll get too long and boring).

I don't know where I stand. I've been planning on breaking up with my boyfriend anyways. But he's stuck in this crazy situation. Whatever, I don't want to be stressing about this too much. After all, it could've just been our past spark being rekindled for a split moment. Nothing more than that.

Stay strong<3
Love,Ana

Hello to 6 Lbs .........?

Did I really gain 6 lbs or is my scale broken? I'm sorry and embarassed to say this, but i put on 6 lbs since I've quit drugs. I can't get over how pathetic I am! But the surprising thing is, I didn't really freak out as much when I saw the scale. Normally, I would have a panic attack, but today I was just disappointed. My emotions have dulled down too much.. so lifeless. Popped a lax to try and rid all of this junk inside me so I can start brand new tomorrow. I have a feeling I'm going to just binge out again, but we'll see.

Today:

B- pb&j, scrambled eggs, 5 cinnamon twists with syrup

L-orange, chocolate bar

D-two ice cream cones, half a chicken burger, golfish crackers

It's very apparent that my eating habits have gone OUT OF CONTROL. I wasn't planning on posting what I ate, but it's my punishment.

Stay Strong<3

Love,Ana

Hello to Addiction.

Sorry everyone for abandoning my blog for so long! This weeks been the darkest, scariest, and looooooongest. Do not continue reading this if you're not down to listen to me rant/vent. I've seriously been having suicidal thoughts lately. I'm always depressed, and I get lonely even when I'm not alone. This isn't normal, right? I've officially gone insane. I haven't laughed or smiled in too long. I feel as if I forgot how to.. I'm convinced that drug abuse caused all this mess, but I'm kinda in denial... hahaha I know, how stupid of me. I've been clean for the past week and I guess I'm proud of it, but why am I not happy? Addiction kills. I hate this feeling of being bounded and dependent on something.. which leads to one reason why I hate cigarettes! drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, depression, suicide, loneliness, loss of identity and purpose.. these are all demons that are running through my head constantly and I can't stop it. I know I sound pathetic and super emo, but my blog is the only outlet where I can relieve myself.

Since I've been sober this week, I gained a shit ton of weight. I don't really want to post what I've consumed, but I'll tell you this: I gained 5 lbs. I need to lose this, IMMEDIATELY. My jeans aren't fitting me as nicely as before! I'm about to lose it! If I don't go back to how I was, I'm just gonna jump off a cliff or something. haha, i'm just kidding. But really, I need to start controlling my eating habits. I'm thinking of giving the 2468 a try again. Maybe reverse it or something, but yeah. I'll just update on how I'm doing throughout this week.

Sorry for ranting on so much! I feel much better. And thank you to all my followers! It feels so good to see more and more people reading my blog :) I feel as if I'm boring though haha

Stay Strong<3
Love,Ana

Hello to Soberness

Woke up a little too early today.. i can't ever get a good amount of sleep. Anyways, I woke up this morning and thought to myself that I was gonna stay sober today. Woooot! Totally proud of myself that I finally decided to do something good for my body, for once.. I think it's been about two weeks since the last time I wasn't drugged out. I wasn't going to write that here cause it just shows how pathetic and weak I am, but I just felt like it when I woke up this morning. Every time I post something, I feel better about it. I hope I actually follow through with my plan.. but that means I'm going to be hungryyyy! I hate hate hate hate hunger. But I need to quit cause I'm only cheating myself into being thin. I'm using other substances to stop myself from eating, instead of me controlling myself to starve. Why am I so lame?

The past two weeks, my intake consisted of cookies, chips, water, and cigarettes. Nothing else. Today, I plan on eating some healthy greens. It's so hard to stay away from my junkie food ): but I deserve this punishment.. hahaha.

StayStrong & Sober (HAHA)
Love,Ana

Hello to 96.5 !

Goodmorning blog :)
I feel feather light right now. But I just had two nutter butter cookies(130cals) and two oranges(?cals) and a cup of tea. I don't know why I just did that. Especially after bingeing on five bags of chips, 8 nutter butter cookies, and a bowl of fried rice last night... So, before my nighttime binge, I weighed 95.5 lbs.. Right now I'm 96.5 lbs. My weight just goes up and down. It gets so annoying. Hahaha I shouldn't be saying that cause my intake has been high these past few days. I'm seriously hoping that I can stay at 96.5 lbs by tonight. I have a feeling I might fail, but I'll try hahaha.

i'll try and update later! maybe some thinspo too :)

StayStrong<3
Love,Ana

Hello to a New Low!

Hello, 97 ! Yes, I woke up this morning at 97 lbs. I haven't felt so light in a looooooong time. I had to attend to a wedding today so I kinda ruined my plan for today. I was supposed to stick to veggies and fruits since I almost fasted for the whole day yesterday. But, is it ever possible to go to a wedding and not eat there?! Okay, it's possible for ana, but for people like me.. it's hard. I need to start building my relationship with ana again. It seems to grow weaker and weaker. Even after pigging out today, I weighed in at 98 lbs. Kinda disappointed, but it's only one pound. I hope I can lose that tomorrow. I plan to fast tomorrow. Or maybe have breakfast and not eat for the whole day. This is going to be hard... I'll update on how I do !

Stay Strong<3
Love,Ana

Hello to Post-Period Cravings?

Is it possible to crave food even after finishing your period? I don't know about you, but I don't eat like a fucking whale after I finish mine. But this week has been HORRIBLE. I'm seriously convinced that I'm pregnant cause it's not normal to be eating like this. I might be overreacting... haha I don't know, but I've been eating way over my limit. I can't restrict myself. I don't even doll myself up anymore! Sweats, over-sized tshirts, sandals, and sunglasses sum up the past few days. No make-up, no dressing up, no nothing. Being lazy rocks, but it kills. Even though I let myself go, I still managed my weight at 99.5 lbs. Only gained a pound, but that's only cause I finally realized how bloated I looked so I didn't eat past 3:30 pm today. Boyfriend should be coming home soon with dinner. Not looking forward to it. Planning on gulping down some tea with cigarettes and tell him I already ate. Hope this works. He's so stubborn! I hate it.

Oh, and about uploading pictures of myself. I'll be doing that asap! As soon as my camera is fixed, i'll have it up :) Don't expect too much. I'm only 5'2'' so weighing in at 99.5 at this height isn't really thinspiring. HA really, I'm not lying!

Stay strong!

Love,Ana

Hello to Earthquaaaaaaaake

Some thinspo for you skinny people!







So, an earthquake hit cali today and i didn't feel shit. Everyone was freaking out, except me. Today was a reeeelaxing day anddddd I'm feeling way thin :) Last night I weighed 98 lbs. Today, after eating a tiny portion of McDonald's breakfast deluxe platter, starbucks, few bites of corn bread, pack of skittles, yogurt with granola, a banana, some french fries, starbucks again, and a piece of lemon loaf.. I weighed in at 98.5 lbs ! Isn't that insane? But, I still have to eat dinner with my family. I haven't seen them for days, so I can't make up an excuse not to show up... I'm fucked. I already binged today and I'm lucky that I only gained 0.5 lb... I can't eat or I'll probably shoot back up to 102 lbs.. that A L W A Y S happens and it's starting to really piss me off. I'm sick of staying at the same weight. There needs to be some change and it's going to happen NOW. So at dinner, I'm eating something very low fat :) Also, I haven't been purging. Feels good to stop that habit. Smoking and coffee is already ruining my teeth.. I don't need more damage HA HA.

P.S. I might upload some pictures of myself. I feel like it will encourage me to try harder. I've been lacking motivation lately so hopefully this will help :) Kinda scared but I'll probably just do it

Stay strong!<3
Love,Ana