Hello to Another Welcome Back

Hello blog.
Oh, how have i let myself go this far? I've been away from you for a bit too long, dont you think? And the time I was gone, I've been slowly putting on all these pounds. Everytime the scale told me I was a pound heavier from the previous days, i would be so disappointed, then depressed ... eventually ending with a monstrous binge and hibernation. I'm in a totally new environment, surrounded by new people. Moved further away from my parents so i thought it would be easier to restrict, but guess not (they would visit every weekend for dinner and keep an eye on me) . Oh but I have one good news! I've been sober.... no drugs..... maybe that explains my fucking beastly appetite.. ughhh. i'd rather have the drugs and be thin than sober and fat.

Enough of whining. Okay, so I came back to blogging for one reason; LOSE THE FUCKING WEIGHT I GAINED, plus more. you're probably wondering how i'm going to do this, but to be honest with you, i don't have a clue either. back at home, it was much easier cause i used drugs whenever i wanted to, so the weight would disappear, but here i can't do that. I'm just going to have to do this the old-fashioned way. TOTAL RESTRICTION. i'll be updating frequently on my progress. I have a certain day that I must lose weight by so i'm pretty serious about this.

THINSPO TO COME

Starve On
Love,Ana

Hello to A New Beginning

Hello, blog.

The big D-day is drawing near! In a short while, I will be moving to the Big City! I'm super excited to start a new life. I guess it's kind of bittersweet; I'm really going to miss home, but we all need to move forward if we want to get somewhere, right? I know I've been m.i.a. for quite while now... nothing new... hahaha but once i get settled after my big move, I promise to update frequently. I've been doing better with my intake these past few days. I'm proud to announce that I've finally stopped my late night binges! FUCKING FINALLY, RIGHT?! I need to shed all this weight off as soon as possible! I want to walk on the streets of my new world, skinny as fuck. I have a feeling it's going to be a lot easier to reach my goal weight once I move. I won't have to worry as much about being watched! YESSSSS, some privacy is exactly what I needed. I can't shut up about how excited I am! 85 pounds, here I come! Get ready for another skinny bitch to fucking rock the streets! Sorry guys, but I gotta end this post early 'cause I've been craving nicotine for hours now. buhbye!

Stay Strong & Starve On... like always<3

Love,Ana

Hello to "Cute" Chubby Cheeks

Oh goddddddddd. this medicine is totally destroying me, and it's literally unstoppable. i kid you not. i've been consuming all kinds of food all day and night. and when i say "all day and night", i LITERALLY mean it. Last night i came home around 2 in the morning and stayed up til 5 am. Why was i up so late? CAUSE I WAS TOO FUCKING BUSY DIGGING IN THE FRIDGE FOR FOOD. and yes, i did end up bingeing. i ate two and a half slices of pizza, chocolate ice cream, and a two bags of potato chips. what a beastly appetite... i'm soooooo attractive.... not. oh and to explain the title of this post........ that's what the guy i'm dating said to me when i told him how much i've been eating.

you know what, i'm desperate to lose weight. if i gotta do it the unhealthy way, ill do it. starving, drugs, whatever.. i did it before, and i can do it again. ill be back 10-15 pounds lighter. watch me.

i LOVE her! i LOVE her body! i can't believe i actually used to look like that.... i never realized til i started gaining all this weight. i can do this. i have to do this. i can't even fit into my jeans anymore...........

STARVE THE FUK ON & THINK THIN

Love,Ana

Hello to Bullshit Medicine that Makes You Fat

Long time no see, blog! I seem to say this every time I post 'cause I rarely do now. Life's a tangled mess and it leaves no time for blogging... seriously breaks my heart 'cause I used to be highly addicted to reading all your blogs and all that jazz! Anyways, my dad thinks that I look too "thin and fragile", so he's feeding me this medicine that's supposed to make you "healthier." I interpret that as... making me FAT. I've actually noticed my appetite increasing more and more since I've been on this mediation. I keep craving food and I can't help but just EAT! It's starting to drive in INSANE, guys! I've been stable at 97 lbs right before I started this medicine bullshit. Now, I'm up to 101.5 lbs. WHAT the fuck. That's ho

w much I weigh after a late night binge... and now that's how much I weigh in the morning when I'm the lightest through the day. FUCK ME NOW. Fuck. I'm so fucking pissed. I've been bingeing at like 3 in the fucking morning.. EVERY FUCKING DAY.

Oh, and to make it even better... this guy I'm dating feeds me like I'm fucking 7 months pregnant. He says he wants to fatten me up a little bit... Am I your like... cushion-y hugging buddy or something? I don't want to be a short, plump, squishy person, OK?! Sorry for all this anger but i just HAD to let it out. Okay, now that it's out. Time to devise a plan to backfire my Dad's plan. I'm going to try my hardest to eat a big breakfast and keep the res

t of the meals as minimal as possible. Better yet, just eat breakfast and liquids only after. I'd have to see how this works 'cause I've been eating a lot since I'm usually with friends. Wish me luck and see you soon, blog!

Think thin & Starve the fuck on!

Love,Ana

P.S. THIS is what i'm going to look like... sooner or later!

Hello to A Bitch named Life

Hello blog and oh how dearly sorry i am for abandoning you! Life hasn't been treating me so well, please understand. I've been going through a bit too much, didn't have time to really post. And, on top of that, I need to start packing soon... I will be moving far far away. It's bittersweet, I guess. I've wanted to get out of this place for so damn long, but the thought of being apart from all my friends and family just scares the shit out of me. Starting ALL over in a totally different place. Sounds exciting, eh? But just a bit scary, not much, but a bit. SOOOOO, before I move away, I NEED TO LOSE SOME DAMN WEIGHT ! It sucks cause I've been at this plateau for so long! I've been maintaining 98 lbs the last few days, but today it shot up to 101.5 Ask me why? I don't know .... UGH. Popped a lax so that should help me go down to about 99.5 to 100? i don't know.. FUCK. I need to stop drinking. I've been drinking everyday to keep myself away from drugs, you know? Life's too stressful to stay sober. I fucking hate life. Fuck you, life! Enough of my ranting.. I need to get out of this fat mess, and start restricting again. All this alcohol and junk food ain't goin to do any good for these fatass thighs!

Love,Ana

Hello to Lax Healing

Got drunk up my ass last night. Came home and binged. Popped a lax. Woke up weighing at 98.5 lbs. For breakfast I consumed about 1000 calories, no doubt. Now i probably weigh...i don't even wanna know. Why do i do this? That binge last night was more than enough to last me through today with no food, but I stuffed 1000 nasty calories into me. Ew. Im planning on not eating anything else today. It's only 1:00pm so... it's going to be hard, i know it. I'm sure my friends are going to drag me to go drinking with them... AGAIN. I think I've been drinking for about 5 consecutive days. Whatever, I'll starve the rest of today and have a few drinks tonight. I hope I don't fuck this up.

So, losing weight isn't really working out right now. So aren't my guy problems. I'm so done with boys and serious relationships, but guy #1 seems to want something much more serious now. I was only looking for something light and fun. Now what? I still want to be able to go around and flirt with other people. I've been stuck in a committed relationship for so long that I've been missing out on so much fun. I don't wanna put myself in that kind of situation again. I recently met this one guy at the bar, and I think he's SUPER cute. He's super tall, he has a charming smile, and his facial structures are SHARP. his face looks like carved stone. Reminds me of edward cullen, kinda. HAHAHA lame. Anyways, I'm probably going to end up seeing him tonight again. We'll see how things go

StayStrong,
Love,Ana

Hello to Unworthy Me

Hi blog. I'll be honest with you. The reason why I've been constantly shunning this blog the past few weeks is because I feel like I'm not worthy enough to write here. I plan fasts and diets, but I always fail to complete them. It's really a shitty feeling when you tell yourself that you'll do something, but never cross the finish line. Yesterday I kept myself busy so I didn't really consume much. When my friends and i went out to drink, I held myself back and had only one beer. BUT, today was... a whole different story. My mom came over with food.. TOO much food. I told her I had a bad stomachache, but that excuse never gets to her. She watched me as I ate. I finished everything. I resisted purging. Now, my dad wants to take me out to dinner. This means that we're going to be having cake after a feast. (He always gets me cake for dessert after a heavy meal). Am i fucked or what? I'm DREADING dinner. I'm still full from earlier, how the fuck am i supposed to stuff more into me? Please help me. I need to start finding the Ana in me, but it's so hard. I'm too weak to do this alone. I hate to admit it, but drugs help me starve.

StayStrong<3

Love,Ana