Hi blog. I'll be honest with you. The reason why I've been constantly shunning this blog the past few weeks is because I feel like I'm not worthy enough to write here. I plan fasts and diets, but I always fail to complete them. It's really a shitty feeling when you tell yourself that you'll do something, but never cross the finish line. Yesterday I kept myself busy so I didn't really consume much. When my friends and i went out to drink, I held myself back and had only one beer. BUT, today was... a whole different story. My mom came over with food.. TOO much food. I told her I had a bad stomachache, but that excuse never gets to her. She watched me as I ate. I finished everything. I resisted purging. Now, my dad wants to take me out to dinner. This means that we're going to be having cake after a feast. (He always gets me cake for dessert after a heavy meal). Am i fucked or what? I'm DREADING dinner. I'm still full from earlier, how the fuck am i supposed to stuff more into me? Please help me. I need to start finding the Ana in me, but it's so hard. I'm too weak to do this alone. I hate to admit it, but drugs help me starve.
StayStrong<3
Love,Ana
if you're with friends and you see them enjoy a meal, just think of all the shit that's inside it and think of the satisfied feeling you'll get after not eating. This sounds really bad cos it's encouraging you to starve, but that's just my way of thinking.
ReplyDeleteI have a lemon after i eat something fsttening cos i heard it eats the food for you or something. I'm nt sure. But it also causes tiredness and leg pain... lol