Hello to Up and Down

My weight is never stable. It's always going up and down. Yesterday I felt light and happy, today I'm feeling heavy and worthless. I fasted yesterday with ease, but today has temptations written all over it. I had to attend an event and they had cookies, pastries, and everything fat available for every guest. Yes, I spoiled myself with a cookie, a pastry, and a piece of chocolate. After that, my boyfriend dragged me to eat with him. Carne asada fries... I'm positive that shit is probably 5,000 calories, haha I'm just exaggerating now, but really... it's pretty damn fattening. I gained two pounds from yesterday, and I feel like shit. Scratch that, no I'm not even feeling that sad right now. I actually feel relaxed. Listening to mellow music with a cigarette, pure bliss. Would've been better if I felt empty and light.

This weekend has been tough. I've been feeling emotionally all over the place. I've been crying for no reason, then laughing at nothing. I know this is all withdrawal symptoms from drugs and shit but honestly, it needs to stop because it's confusing the hell out of me and my boyfriend. Oh and on the side note, my boyfriend experiences these emotional roller coasters as well, but he knows how to control them better. I was doing well until Sunday. I just gave in. It was good, I won't lie. But the comedown was so not worth it. I woke up this morning feeling like shit. I honestly felt blank the whole day... I guess that's why I didn't really give a fuck about what I was eating. I had to eat to make the shitty-feeling go away. And it worked. Anyways, enough of me complaining about my life. Ready for some thinspo? :)



Love,Ana