Hello to Impossible?

Am I ever going to reach my goal weight? I can't seem to get under 103 lbs. I'm stuck at this weight, and even if I do lose weight, I gain it back in a day or two. Only if my boyfriend would stop feeding me, it would be so much easier. I do well until he drags me to dinner. And he would invite his mom cause he knows I can't say no if his mom goes.. boys just make life so much easier, don't they? HA. I've been staying up all night this whole week at my studio. I have a tight deadline for my next project so I gotta get going, but I promise to update more often about my daily intake and stuff after hell week is over! Stay strong everyone<3

P.S. I need to post a legit thinspo soon. Be expecting it!

Love,Ana

Hello to Long Time No See

Have I really been gone for a week? I thought it's only been like three days since I last posted. I'll make this sweet and short. I let myself go and I gained a gang of weight. Now I'm depressed. I'm back to restricting myself, I've been a little too nice for too long. I don't know how successful my next strict diet is going to be, but I need to do this. I haven't really planned out anything, but I'll think of something. Mini Mary-Kate thinspo. I absolutely fucking love her

Love,Ana

Hello to Hunger Pains

Hunger pains. Pure beauty. I just love it! Past few days have been great. I haven't been eating as much lately. Today was probably one of the worse days. It's weird, but I've noticed that I usually blog when I'm feeling shitty from eating. Strange. Yesterday I barely ate, but I drank so that kinda sucked. Today, I kept taking little nibbles of my boyfriend's food but all the small bites add up pretty quickly. Managed to skip dinner until I had to pick up my brother's drunkass... He wouldn't shut up about how much he wanted a burger from McDonald's. He didn't even finish it. He took two bites and gave the rest to me. I swore I would never eat McDonald's ever again because of a fat tummyache I had awhile back, but I ate it. Why? I don't know. I felt sick afterwards. Hoped that a cigarette would make it better. I was wrong. Sigh... This morning I weighed in at 99.5 lbs. Now I'm 102 lbs. How does that happen?! Is my scale broken or is my weight just fucked up? I'm confused. I've got a lot of work to do so I gotta go. I should try and blog on my good days now, I don't want to bore everyone with such depressing posts! Oh, almost forgot! To all my followers, thanks so much for taking all the bullshit I post here. I'm sorry I'm always so negative, I'll try and stop that. I still can't believe I already have 14 followers! Thanks to all of you, it really means a lot! Stay strong<3

Love,Ana

Hello to Munchies

I. Am. So. Drunk. Right. Now. Did pretty well restricting myself until night time. I had half a bowl of pho and who-knows-how-many shots of vodka with beer. When I drink I crave everything so I had a bag of chips. I hate drunk munchies, but it's so damn good. hahaha, i'm in a good mood right now and I wish I was out more than anything, but I'm just going to take a warm shower and go to bed :) Good news is I can knock out like a baby tonight! Finally.. for once. I feel super bloated but I'm too drunk to even care. I'll have to pay the consequences tomorrow morning. Fuck. I'll weigh myself when I wake up and update you guys on it. Stay strong you skinnies !

Love,Ana

Hello to Depression

It's scary how dark my posts have been lately. I've been feeling depressed, slightly suicidal the past couple days. HA, it's scary but nothing serious. It's not like I'm really going to go hang myself or overdose on pills. I've just been thinking about it a lot but that's as far as it will go. My cravings have been out of control but today wasn't so bad. I actually felt a bit nauseous throughout the day. Dinner with boyfriend wasn't a pleasant experience for me. He wanted a burger with fat fries and crepes for dessert. I didn't even touch my burger, just had some fries. The crepe was pretty hard to resist so I spoiled myself with a couple bites, but I started feeling nauseous again so I just sat there 'til he finished. I started getting tired of feeling nauseous so I had to wash it down with a cigarette, which helped a little.. not too much. I haven't weighed myself. I'll weigh myself in the morning..that's what I usually do anyways. I hope tomorrow goes better. I'll be busy running errands and working at the studio so I'll be distracted most of the day.

Tomorrow, I plan to have:
cereal
coffee
tangerines
coffee/tea ..or maybe i'll feel nice and get me some nonfat latte, i dont know :)

thinspo, anyone?
Love,Ana

Hello to Up and Down

My weight is never stable. It's always going up and down. Yesterday I felt light and happy, today I'm feeling heavy and worthless. I fasted yesterday with ease, but today has temptations written all over it. I had to attend an event and they had cookies, pastries, and everything fat available for every guest. Yes, I spoiled myself with a cookie, a pastry, and a piece of chocolate. After that, my boyfriend dragged me to eat with him. Carne asada fries... I'm positive that shit is probably 5,000 calories, haha I'm just exaggerating now, but really... it's pretty damn fattening. I gained two pounds from yesterday, and I feel like shit. Scratch that, no I'm not even feeling that sad right now. I actually feel relaxed. Listening to mellow music with a cigarette, pure bliss. Would've been better if I felt empty and light.

This weekend has been tough. I've been feeling emotionally all over the place. I've been crying for no reason, then laughing at nothing. I know this is all withdrawal symptoms from drugs and shit but honestly, it needs to stop because it's confusing the hell out of me and my boyfriend. Oh and on the side note, my boyfriend experiences these emotional roller coasters as well, but he knows how to control them better. I was doing well until Sunday. I just gave in. It was good, I won't lie. But the comedown was so not worth it. I woke up this morning feeling like shit. I honestly felt blank the whole day... I guess that's why I didn't really give a fuck about what I was eating. I had to eat to make the shitty-feeling go away. And it worked. Anyways, enough of me complaining about my life. Ready for some thinspo? :)



Love,Ana

Hello to Giving up

I'm literally on the edge. I just want to jump off and give up. I'm depressed, fat, and too tired of the same old routine. I binge and binge, and binge again. Then, I get more depressed, which only makes me binge even more. It's strange how I've changed. I used to starve whenever I felt depressed, but now I turn to food. Food's a bitch. I hate food. I hate me. I've also been experiencing strong temptations to return to drugs. I know it's bad and I know how hard I had to work to quit, but it's been really hard lately.

I planned on fasting today, but my boyfriend's mom insisted on going out to dinner. I told her I ate already, but she wouldn't let me off ... That's all I want to say about today because the rest is disgusting and embarrassing to post. I've been eating like I a pregnant fatass. My boyfriend even commented saying he's never seen me like this before. I usually pick at my food or take a few bites of his meal. Maybe I am pregnant. What the fuck. Whatever, I'm just too tired to care right now. I need some thinspo.


Love,Ana

Hello to Breaktime

Hello blog! Sorry for the long break. I've been going through wayyy too much and definitely couldn't find the energy to blog about it. I don't want to burden anyone with a whole essay of me ranting about my pathetic life so I'll keep it sweet and simple :) So, to make the long story short, my parents and a few others definitely know about me and are doing whatever it takes to stop it. It's either I fatten up or they somehow get me into some fatass program. Whatever they do, I'm not going there. I did, however, eat when they offered to prove them wrong, and it seems to be working, but not good enough to change their minds. I feel ugly and worthless right now. I was able to get down to 99 pounds, but because of all the food they've been shoving down my mouth, I went back up to 103... I'm probably even higher than that right now. I haven't weighed myself yet cause I knew if I saw the numbers, I'd freak out and just binge. I have no cigarettes right now, but I fucking need one. Fuck me. At least I'm finally alone.

Starting tomorrow is a new beginning, HA. How many times have I said this to myself? No, but I'm being serious. I'm sure my parents won't be visiting me for a few days so that will give me time to get back on track. I'm hoping my boyfriend won't force-feed me in those few days. I'll come up with some excuse. Well, byebye blog! It's time for me to go get some cigarettes. I'm dying here hahahaha

Love,Ana