Hello to A Big Mess

Sorry sorry sorry for always abandoning my blog! For awhile, everything's been too crazy. I've been having a gangload of problems with my boyfriend, and my ex-boyfriends, alcohol, drugs, and blah blah. To be honest, it's been so crazy that I forgot what happened. Everything is just one big blur. I need to straighten up a bit. Clean the mess up with my past flings, quit E and alcohol, and actually go to school. I'm a big ball of disaster right now. I've basically lost all my friends. I see them around still, but I can't have a decent conversation with any one of them. I don't know how it ended up like this, but it did and I'm absolutely fucking depressed about it. It's sad to admit, but my depression made me weak enough to turn to dropping again. E seems to be the only way to relieve this heaviness. It's bad, I know.. that's why I quit awhile back. But, now I feel too weak to even try to hold it in. I've been poppin E whenever I felt like it, and I'm starting to feel the toll it's taking on my body. I guess part of the reason why I'm not bothering to stop is because at least I'm losing weight from it.

I'm not going to kill myself.. I WILL stop popping, but for now I'm just too weak. It sucks that my boyfriend's the only source of strength and support I have. I used to be so independent and free-spirited. Now, I'm so lonely and depressed, weak and lost. Why am I so emotional? Seriously, it's a bit ridiculous. Just give it some time and I'll be back to normal. I'm always in this happy-depressed cycle. Haha, I have some serious issues...Damn. On the positive note, I'm lighter than when I wrote my last post :) haha, well I'll be posting more often now! Stay strong lovelies<3>